Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A good reason to stay single

If you're a control freak with your space, like I am (and me! and me!), it may be best for your sanity if you just stayed single. You may be happier for it. Otherwise, you're in for an anger management course that will last for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

The Mr. is "organizing" his office. Which means all of his I'm-not-a-packrat-no-really-I'm-not papers are all over my friggin' house. In the living room. The bedroom. The kitchen counters, and even the bathroom. Boxes and BOXES OF PAPERS THE MAN DOESN'T NEED FOR SHIT BUT REFUSES TO THROW AWAY. And I don't want to yell and tell him to get a move on with getting it all back in his office, I really don't. I'm working very hard on not being a cleaning nazi. But.

The mess is getting to me. I like things just so and it drives him crazy. Plus, being male, he doesn't know what clean means. He doesn't know what organized even means. This is the man who, when I met him didn't even own A PILLOW because he thought it was a waste to have one. The man just slept on the crappy dorm mattress and had no problem with it. Needless to say, I had one less pillow from that night on.

No pillow, and yet even back then his room was plastered with PAPERRRSSSS. The man was like a freakin' hermit. With papers for friends. I've made it my mission to keep the papers to a minimum in the hopes that one day there would be NO MORE PAPERS. No old receipts, random notes, nude drawings, old bills, etc. NOTHING.

He wanted me to keep this old pair of shoes he bought for me that broke, just for the memories. I was all, dude, take a fucking picture because I'M THROWING THEM AWAY.

Off shooting a bit from this paper topic, I want my own bathroom. Hair from his razor just left in the sink? Grass stained shoes on the rim of the tub? Empty bottles just left in the shower? Not replacing the paper roll? I don't fucking think so. I know you were taught better, dude. And I know you read this. So knock it off.

It's a wonder I'm not in a nuthouse yet. Because seriously, I have a vagina. The only one in the world you wanted. So get your crap out of here and she'll come out of hiding. Cause right now she's unhappily drowning in your papers.


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